So why do I say I’m not happy? I’m focusing a lot of my day on the things my husband has done in the past and some he continues to do that I do not like, I’m focusing my energy on the things I do not have. Of course that is what will make me unhappy and truth be told I have been like that most of my life, in a way it’s like I don’t deserve to be happy or something of that nature. I’ve always had someone to blame for my unhappiness, whether family, past hurts and something I didn’t have, a companion, true friends, always something. I’ve always heard the statement no one else is responsible for your happiness but yourself. This has only become a real realisation at 30 years old. How do I want to live the rest of my life going forward because honestly, people will not stop hurting people and I will not always have my way.
Being aware that my mind already has a doctorate degree in being unhappy, made me realise that undoing this mind-set will be a process, so I have accepted the challenge never the less because I really want to be Happy.
Get joy back!
I’m collecting joy first in my happiness journey. Where do I find her? In the presence of the Lord because that’s where I will find fullness of Joy. Even with this first step it’s easy to have an excuse. After months of using being a tired first time mom as an excuse I had to find a way to get joy at all costs. It started with praying and singing with baby at bath time, nap time, bedtime, meal time, whenever I could sneak it in (and when I remembered because God was not first priority anymore). As this intentional habit grew I then began to seek for time alone with God even if I was doing something. So during my bath time or cooking time when alone I would pray or sing, and think on scripture. Eventually I found energy slowly coming back and I could even wake up earlier. This then allowed me to get a real devotion in. Making sure I pick up the Bible before getting my phone, preparing the babies porridge, read the scripture and pray the scripture.
The beauty about having joy is that even when happiness hasn’t happened I don’t fall apart into a thousand pieces. Joy gives me a new perspective of how I view things, even the things I don’t enjoy I started feeling warm inside because gratitude began to rise. I am grateful for motherhood so much and even joined a baby group that definitely helped in getting the joy levels rising.
So now that I mentioned a little about how I’m getting joy back each day (I can’t express how mandatory this is for one’s soul), it’s time to work on being happy, having that real glow that comes from the inside. What are the things that make me happy in the first place? The thing with being in an unhappy state for so long is that each year you lose more and more of who you are and what you like and love. Side note for all single women make sure you know how to be happy by yourself before you enter a relationship because it’s not a guarantee that a man will make you happy. Sometimes the man can try to make you happy but if you don’t even know what makes you happy trust me all his efforts will be in vain.
Find your happy place
I’m happy when I’m in a creative space of writing, dancing and singing. Practically, to get back here to this happy space, my first priority became getting a blog up and running so that I could write consistently and share my thoughts.
My baby girl is toddler now and so any moment we get we dance together, she loves it. Even at church we go to the front together now to get our dance on and when she is napping during service or a loving saint takes her so I can worship man I have learnt the value of time concerning this so guaranteed I get my temple dance expression on. How I love this and slowly because we are getting joy back remember I found myself dancing while praying when I had put baby to sleep and hubby was at a work function. Singing, I mentioned how I have begun to sing with baby and during prayer time but to get to happy place I have decided to go record some songs I have written and hubby gave a seal of authority on this one so expect to hear my first EP before the year ends.